What Do I Talk About in Counselling If I Don’t Know Where to Start

One of the worries people can have before starting counselling is:

“What am I actually going to talk about?”

You might know that something doesn’t feel quite right, but struggle to explain exactly what it is. Or perhaps there are so many things going around in your head that you have no idea where to begin.

That’s completely okay.

You don’t need to arrive at counselling with a prepared speech, a list of problems or even a clear idea of what you want to change.

You can start with what is happening right now

Sometimes the easiest place to begin is simply with how life feels at the moment.

You might talk about feeling anxious, overwhelmed, unhappy in a relationship, exhausted, angry or simply unlike yourself.

You might even start by saying:

“I don’t really know why I’m here. I just know I’m not feeling like myself.”

That is enough to begin a conversation.

You don't have to tell your whole story immediately

Starting counselling doesn't mean you have to sit down and tell somebody everything that has ever happened to you.

Trust takes time.

There may be experiences that feel difficult, embarrassing or painful to talk about. You can decide when — and whether — you feel ready to explore them.

Counselling isn't an interrogation.

It's a conversation that develops over time.

What if there are awkward silences?

Silence can feel uncomfortable, particularly when you're sitting with somebody you don't know very well.

But you don't have to fill every second.

Sometimes a pause gives you time to think, notice what you're feeling or work out what you want to say next.

And if you're struggling to find the words, your counsellor can help you explore what's happening rather than simply sitting there waiting for you to come up with something.

What if I become emotional?

You might cry.

You might laugh.

You might become angry.

Or you might talk about something incredibly painful and feel surprisingly little emotion at all.

There isn't a correct way to respond in counselling.

People deal with difficult experiences in different ways, and sometimes feelings that have been pushed aside for a long time begin to surface when we finally have space to talk.

What if I don't know what I want from counselling?

That's okay too.

Some people begin counselling with a very clear goal.

Others simply know that they don't want to keep feeling the way they currently feel.

Part of counselling can be working together to understand what is happening and what you would like life to look or feel like instead.

You don't need to have that figured out before your first appointment.

You can bring whatever feels important to you

There isn't a list of subjects that are considered important enough for counselling.

You can talk about relationships, family, work, anxiety, childhood experiences, grief, confidence, anger, loneliness, things you've never told anyone before — or something that happened that morning.

Sometimes what initially seems like a small issue opens the door to understanding something much bigger.

Starting counselling in Whitstable or online

If you're considering counselling but worrying that you won't know what to say, please don't let that stop you.

You don't need the right words.

You just need somewhere to begin.

I offer counselling in Whitstable and online counselling for adults, providing a relaxed space where we can begin exploring what's happening for you at a pace that feels manageable.

And if your first words are simply...

“I don't know where to start.”

We can start there.